I didn’t view BD under that acute angle in my first few years of playing; however, the answer to the question came to me last fall during one of my daily afternoon walks to buy Mtn Dew as I was pondering what exactly has my army turned out to be thus far, merely a mismatch of every chasis. During one masturbation session, I had written a list of questions addressing where ego improvements could be made and whether the prospects for the next five years, among them questions concerning why I used to abuse thesauruses and the reason I kept writing walls of text including this one led to one revelation: why do I play battledawn? For me, there had to be a reason why I liked to collect medals in this game to the point of addiction in much the same way there had to be a reason why I liked trying to sound smart and philosophy. I went on further to think there also must be a connection among the need to attention and battledawn, some sort of trait they all shared. It appeared to me that the thing these three shared a single culmination: they are each a disinterested form of shitposting in a particular way (disinterested as in something I do for its own sake without expecting anything but likes on my posts in return) and which really is the reason why I liked to play this game alongside compensating for fragility in self-worth.
When it comes to shitpostings, at least in its pure branch, what exactly do I expect to draw from practicing all sorts of trolling and trying to see the underlying patterns guiding me straight to unanimous facepalms? Nothing in practical terms, however when appreciated for its own sake much satisfaction is to be drawn from taking the time to think in thesaurus googling about the best possible way to write a wall of text.
Now moving to my ego, what exactly do I get from reflecting upon fundamental questions of Battledawn namely ‘what is good?’, ‘what is beauty?’, ‘what is love?’(baby don’t hurt me), ‘what is the meaning of floplock?’, ‘does Alex exist?’ and so on and which preoccupy everyone from amateurs like myself to the greatest shitposters of our day. Consolation mainly, especially after having come to repeated beatdowns that Battledawn was inherently absurd and that the only meaning it has is the one I give to it through my actions. Yet again, nothing to be drawn in real life terms.
Finally on loneliness. I think the reason I like it has to do with something we all need as gamers and it is a platform where we can dispense our violent and primitive impulses as desiring, sitting alone for 750 ticks, join an alliance late and call it our own, and claim medals, however in a way that does not bring physical harm to anyone because I hate fighting since there’s a winner and loser. From hunter-gatherers forming tribes to acquire resources for survival to a game where precisely the opposite features exist in a patchwork of domination, trickery, and micro-transactions in which players pay money to win. ‘‘What does it have to do with shitpostings?’’ one may well ask. Well, I believe any activity where our violent human impulses may be manipulated by thesaurus into beauty and harmony (for instance, an alliance in which players are told exactly what to do by 1 person paying attention, move together in wars via desperate skype calls, participate in acquiring spoils of war while not fighting…each to fight over medals amongst themselves and so forth) is worth of being called a disinterested form of shitposting.
All three preoccupations seem to me to share that one same characteristic as disinterested aesthetic contemplation (that which makes your own friends hate your existence) from mastering a strategy in shitposting, to viewing self-loathing under different angles and come to form our own consoling conclusions in loneliness and dispensing our violent impulses on the virtual battlefields this beautiful game has to offer.
That’s all.
