UPDATED 10 APR 2019, AT 0152 HOURS EST
((As is always the case, if you see me mention something you recognize and would like to offer screenshots, please reply. It was fun last time to see people posting real messages sent in-game that correspond to this story.))
STORYTIME ENTRY ONE
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”
– Leo Tolstoy
“The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on.”
– Ulysses S Grant
Such wonderfully written quotes about war. How do you know which advice to take? You would think, maybe find the best of both worlds. They say slow and steady wins the race, but sometimes, you snooze, you lose.
Maybe I shouldn’t be listening to just anybody. Maybe the trick to learning is to find reliable resources from people who got lucky. People who didn’t have a reference, but somehow found a way to make it work. So, let’s check the history.
Tolstoy was a playwrite.
Ulysses Grant was a successful soldier who led the United States Union Army to victory over the Confederacy during their Civil War, and went on to become the President.
“Yup,” I thought, removing the helmet from my head and breathing in the recycled air from home. My gaze fell upon the gigantic pyramid planted firmly in the red soil right in my new backyard. “I think I’ll be taking Grant’s advice.”
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…to be continued…
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JOURNAL ENTRY ONE
For two long years I have studied the art of war. My complete and utter failure to be of assistance in any capacity to myself or my alliance was embarrassing, to say the least. I will not make the same mistakes as before. I have brought many resources over from my homeworld, which should garner me an advantage in this new environment over hostile forces. Hopefully I have escaped the dragons. Nothing is worse than dragons.
JOURNAL ENTRY TWO
The wasteland is a harsh mistress. Radar indicates a few colonies sprouting up nearby. I must do as the great Ulysses Grant taught; I must be swift. Fortunately I brought along the only resource that really matters in this universe: disposable workers.
JOURNAL ENTRY THREE
The flag has been raised. I will stand proudly beneath my MERY flag. It is unique. Nobody can take that awa-… hang on a second, journal, I’m receiving a very important message.
…okay, so, apparently I left the channel for the Merry Men alliance “open.” One of my closest admirers, Werther, apparently followed me to this wretched planet and joined my alliance within literal seconds of hoisting the flag. I considered kicking him out, but… he just looked so happy…
In other news, there is some strange rumblings to the immediate northwest of my colony. I have ordered an outpost be built near the disturbance for future study. For now, I must prepare to build my army of longbowmen.
JOURNAL ENTRY FOUR
We have an issue.
I intended to build an army of archers (as they are–and always have been–the superior troop choice.) But as I stood at the computer and ordered the build, the computer… well, it laughed at me. I asked for available options: no archers.
This is a horrific world.
JOURNAL ENTRY FIVE
After slaughtering what had to be HUNDREDS of workers, I successfully amassed an army of carriages. They shall suffice for now. I sent them on multiple missions, and I await their successful return.
JOURNAL ENTRY SIX
Two of my armies have been slaughtered by colonies that are so far behind in technology that they could bang sticks together and call it sophisticated music. This is what happens when you replace men with giant, rolling metal boxes on wheels. Oh well, too late.
JOURNAL ENTRY SEVEN
There are two alliances that popped out of literally nowhere that have 40+ colonies within their ranks, and a third on the rise.
Who’s freaking out? I’m not freaking out, YOU’RE freaking out.
JOURNAL ENTRY EIGHT
It’s okay. It’s okay. Everything is fine. Nobody else has a giant pyramid in their yard, nor is their piece of land surrounded by a literal moat of water. I’m fine! This will work. As long as my power stays above the power of literally every other person on the planet, they won’t outpost-hop all the way over to me… oh for heaven’s sake, another message, hang on…
headdesk
Message from Razzxx, he wants me to join their alliance because he says I won’t make it against the other alliances.
You know, he kind of has a point. Better start recruiting. To the broadcast board!
JOURNAL ENTRY NINE
So uh. I woke up to a hilarious voicemail. The leader of GATO messaged me.
He quoted Leo Tolstoy.
That alliance is doomed.
On a more chilling note, the leader of NUKE also messaged me. He asked me how it felt to be lonely.
That alliance… is probably going places.
Also, the rumbling to the northwest appears to be getting more frequent. Our outpost has reached completion, I think I’m going to head over and take a looksie.
Oh, and I really need to send out that “Congratulations on being conquered” letter. Right, on it. Man, what a day.
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…to be continued…
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JOURNAL ENTRY TEN
I’ve never been much of a coffee drinker. But given the last 24 hours, it is certainly coming in handy.
The assimilation of colonies is coming along smoothly. I managed to recruit V1. I wonder what the “V” stands for? Victory? Veracious? …Voluptuous? shudder Whoa now, don’t think about that one. This is a kid game. Anyway, I’m glad everything appears to be going smoothly.
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STORYTIME ENTRY TWO
WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE
“The hell…?” I thought to myself, alarms blaring throughout the colony. I rush to the main console. “Computer,” I call out in a wavering voice, “what’s the situation?”
A cool, calm female voice reads out the Radar report. “Enemy forces inbound. One squad. ETA, 4 ticks. Target: Oil well 92.”
I breath out a sigh of relief. “Oh, that’s it? Okay then. Send squad 7 to intercept-…”
“Enemy forces inbound,” the voice continued. “One squad. ETA, 3 ticks. Oil well 94.”
I tense. Sure, it was probably some spam squads that would be easily killed. But if this kept up…
“Enemy forces inbound,” she went on, much to my dismay. I routed the appropriate squads to set up a defensive position. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I took another long sip of coffee. Crisis averted.
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Very early the next morning…
WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO
“Oh for the love of…” I threw off the covers of my bed and stepped into my warm, woolen slippers. I was a powerhouse! Who had the nerve to try anything with me?
“Message from YEET,” the voice said calmly. “They have rejected our offer to join, and states, quote: ‘No, I will kill you.’”
“Really, computer?!” I yelled. “THAT’S why you woke me up? Because some conquered colony doesn’t want-…”
“Enemy forces inbound. 3 squads, ETA 5 ticks…”
“LEAD WITH THAT NEXT TIME!” I scream, wiping the morning crud from my eyes and hustling to the control center. To my horror, colonies and outposts were popping up all around our bases flying the NUKE and SIN flags. NUKE squads especially were moving in hard into our territory.
With the sheer amount of random colonies joining them, it allowed the strongest members of NUKE to freely jump over into our continent. MERY was in serious trouble.
I rushed a few units, and started chasing down every NUKE and SIN outpost I could find. V1 seemed to get the gist without me even saying anything, and Werther was doing a great job holding their own on that little island continent. Over the next 18 hours, NUKE and I danced our units around each other. It was a delicate give and take, but in the end, we stood our ground.
Realizing I could get a few more hours of sleep before morning, I went back to bed. Not moments later…
WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO
I picked up the bow I had lying by my bed, knocked an arrow, and shot it straight into the blinking red light on the ceiling of my room. The alarm stopped working there, but I could still hear the sound echoing through the hallways.
“I’ve about had it with this shit,” I grumbled, stumbling back to the control center to see what the problem was.
“Enemy forces inbound,” said the computer. “It’s one of your conquers, attempting to free itself.”
I chuckled, but reminded myself not to get too cocky. Just to humor myself, I did a quick scan to make sure my forces were good to take care of the threat.
BEEP. The scan results came in.
My face turned white.
Tossing the report on the ground, I flew to the building console. “MORE CARRIAGES!” I screamed in panic. “EXPLOSIVE UPGRADE! DAMAGE UPGRADE! GO!” The computer sprang to life and immediately began fulfilling my request. But it wasn’t going to be fast enough. I was going to have to sacrifice workers…
That’s when a lightbulb went off in my head. Wait a second, I thought. Maybe this is where Tolstoy was right. Perhaps I need to show a little more patience.
“Computer,” I called out again, this time far more confidently, “please send a message to the colony owner Carter. Tell him that I see his forces inbound, and would love to meet with him regarding joining MERY.”
“Message sent,” the computer beeped.
I didn’t have to wait long. Barely an hour passed before Carter himself was beaming in on my teleport pad, standing tall but very sheepish. “So uh,” he began, “you can see my incoming forces.”
“Yup,” I grin, and hand him a cup of coffee. “I certainly see them.”
Carter’s gaze focuses briefly passed my shoulder, onto the computer screen I left open behind me. Completely on purpose, the screen showed the massive explosive weapons army waiting to be completed. Carter gulped.
“I guess I’ll be turning my squads around then.”
“Not a terrible idea.” I surveyed the gentleman before me- very proud, upstanding sort of individual. Dressed well. Clean shaven.
“Oh, about joining MERY,” Carter continued, “I’m really loving the company in GATO. I don’t want to abandon them.”
Smirking, I turned on the smartass within me. “Don’t think of it as ‘abandonment.’ Think of it as, ‘assisting your allies from afar.’ You’ll have more opportunity with MERY.”
I see Carter’s head turn slightly, giving it some thought. “Well…” he started, before falling silent again for a few more moments. “Give me some time?”
“Sure man.” There was a few awkward moments where the two of us colony leaders were just standing in my bridge.
“So there’s this new episode of Ponies in Space that just came out today,” Carter said, breaking the silence. “I got nothing better to do if you wanted to hang out for a bit.”
“Ponies in Space?” My eyes widened. “I actually love that show! When’s it supposed to start?”
“In like five minutes.”
“Oh shit. Yeah dude, come sit at my bar, I’ll put it on the main screen.”
And just like that, I made a best friend.
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“I feel like Sparkle Twilight really backtracked with her character development this week,” I complained after the show was over. “She was doing so well with Jackapple, but the two of them can’t seem to hang out.”
“I hear what you mean,” Carter sighed, finishing his beer and grabbing his jacket. “It’s like the writers are just giving up. I don’t think they realize just how much potential she really has.”
I laugh, and pat my new friend on the back. “Yeah, well. They can’t please anybody. Anyway, I’ll continue talks with big G, and hopefully GATO and MERY will be good allies from here on out.”
Carter smiles as well. “Yup. I’ve got a good feeling about this alliance.”
WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO
“Override alarm!” I yell, and the alarm stops. “What is it computer?”
There is a curious moment of silence. Carter looks over at me confused.
“Computer?” I call out. “What’s going-…”
BOOM
Concrete shattered into a thousand pieces all around me, knocking me in the head, unconscious.
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“…me? Hey… Ro… okay? Robin!”
The voice was distant, but became clearer as I regained consciousness.
“Robin Hood. You gonna make it buddy? Get up man!”
It was Carter. I opened my eyes and glanced around through the fuzziness. Sparks were flying all around me; we were still in the control center, but it looked like Carter pulled me towards a still-standing wall. “I’m so sorry,” he said, brushing some concrete dust from my shoulders. “I lost track of time. I meant to call back the attack, but we got caught up watching Ponies in Space…”
I raised my hand to wave off the rest of his apology. I had lost track of time too; I never got to rush the units that were being made. “It’s okay,” I coughed. “That was kind of a weird happenstance. No hard feelings.”
I practically felt the nervous energy release from Carter. He helped me up to my feet. “Well,” he began. “I should probably get back home. I have a lot of free colonies to conquer now.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, you do. It’s not like I’ll be taking all the colonies I just lost back. Unless you decide to liberate me?”
“I’ll consider it,” Carter said, his face full of regret but clearly excited about his new potential to grow. With that, he stepped through the still-functioning teleporter, and disappeared.
Groaning, I made my way to the control panel. “Computer. Please write a message.” The screen blinked back to life, albeit cracked in many places.
“To Guarav, leader of GATO. We should talk.”
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to be continued…
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JOURNAL ENTRY ELEVEN
I’ve only just begun picking up the pieces of my colony, but my computer has been sending me strange signals coming from the northwest again. Carter had taken control over the outpost, but was quick to leave it alone. I’ve left the repairs to my workers, and headed off to reclaim the outpost and continue research…
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STORYTIME ENTRY THREE
My colony had been captured. Most of my outposts were seized, and my army was in shambles. I should have been finding a way to pull myself back together. Instead… well. Hindsight is 20/20. I never should have gone into that cave.
The harsh sunlight from above bore down on me worse than ever before. The closer I got to the source of the electrical interference, the more my handheld scanner would give strange readings. I checked the coordinates: N:2004 E:11664. This was the place giving off the highest amount of interference, and where the ground would shake.
It wasn’t a long trip around the naked landscape before I found a small tunnel on the side of a hill. It led into a cave of sorts. Fortunately it was wide enough for my humvee to fit, so I would not need to travel on foot. “Strange, though,” I thought to myself. “I’ve never seen a cave on this planet yet. I wonder where something like this could lead? And who–or what–built it?”
Revving the engine, I pressed forward into the darkness. The headlights were already on, which provided ample light to move safely in, however the temperature noticeably dropped. Barely a minute had passed, and I was starting to feel a bit chilly. “I’m used to the planet’s long sunlight,” I realize, stopping the humvee to pull a blanket from an emergency kit and cover myself.
Just as I was wrapping myself in the blanket, something outside the car caught my eye. It was faint, but I could see a faint blue light up ahead. Curious now, I turned off the headlights to hopefully get a better view.
About 40 feet ahead of me, the tunnel appeared to abruptly end. “Oh man, I stopped just in time,” I think to myself, chastising my reckless driving for coming in so fast. There was no mistaking it, though- a small blue light was glowing against the rocky wall.
I inched the humvee to the end of the tunnel, and got out of the vehicle. Now that I’d come right up on the glow, it was easier to see what it was. The wall itself was black rock, with an almost polished look. It was carved and sanded down to be perfectly flat. Etched directly into the walls surface, only a few inches tall, was an inscription of sorts. Those markings were glowing a soft ocean blue light.
“Are these… numbers?” At first I thought I was deciphering a picture, or an ancient language of some kind… but sure enough, after stepping back and looking at the light again from a small distance, the etchings were surely numbers.
“1…7…5.”
175? What was the significance of 175? I sat in my humvee and pondered for a few minutes. Who would come down here and carve the number “175” in weird blue light on this wall? Nothing made sense. I looked down at the humvee’s clock to see just how much time I’d spent down here.
Wait.
The time. It was tick 174…
I heard it the moment the clock rolled over to 175.
A deafening BWAAAAAAM rolled through the cavern. Bright blue energy blasted forward from the wall, permeating the humvee and right through my body. I could practically feel my soul being torn apart in the wave of energy. My eyes rolled to the back of my head… and I collapsed.
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to be continued…
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JOURNAL ENTRY TWELVE - DAY ONE IN THE CAVE
Well then. I did not expect today to be quite so interesting.
I just woke from being knocked out by a strange blue light in the cave. The blast appears to have penetrated the wall ahead of me, however I have little interest in exploring today. I need to get back to the surface and see what happened.
JOURNAL ENTRY THIRTEEN - SAME DAY IN THE CAVE
Okay, so… we have a problem.
I drove back up to the entrance of the cave… but it was surrounded by a blue wall of light. I tried inching my way out, but the humvee refused to push past the barrier. I tried going out on foot, but touching the light… well, it’s a literal wall that I cannot penetrate. It’s unclear as to what is happening, but I’m sorta freaking out a little.
The signal was weak, but I was able to send out a planet-wide distress message. Hopefully someone will be able to get me out of here.
JOURNAL ENTRY FOURTEEN - DAY THREE IN THE CAVE
The humvee only comes with a week’s worth of emergency rations. No response from the outside world just yet. I’ve sent a few orders back to the colony to build protection. The computer did bring a bit of good news; Carter liberated me. What a guy.
God I hope someone figures this out.
JOURNAL ENTRY FIFTEEN - DAY SIX IN THE CAVE
When I get out of here, I’m going to make sure that every emergency kit in the humvees are kitted out with SOMETHING TO DO. I am going a little crazy bored, and somewhat high on the constantly recycled air in the humvee.
I can’t panic yet. I cut my rations so that they will last me a bit longer, but I can’t continue like this forever.
JOURNAL ENTRY SIXTEEN - DAY EIGHT IN THE CAVE
Rations are nearly depleted. I have no choice; I have to leave the wall of light and head down further to find a way out. I won’t have contact with the outside world.
I’ve sent messages out to my MERY alliance members to go ahead and join up with another group. This may be my end, after all.
…wish me luck.
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_…to be continued…?..
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STORYTIME ENTRY FOUR
Driving down into the tunnel, I switched off the messaging system. There would be no need for it down there; there would be no way I could broadcast anything once I started down anyway. The blasted remains of the black, polished rock wall lay scattered on the ground. I was careful driving over them, as I didn’t want to ruin my only ride back up to the surface. With a deep breath, I pushed forward, into the unknown.
JOURNAL ENTRY SEVENTEEN - STILL DAY EIGHT IN THE CAVE
I hope my alliance members got my message. There’s no reason for them to stay. The last view of the world map I glimpsed before coming down here showed GATO was on quite the rampage. I guess I was quick to judge after that Tolstoy comment from their leader.
Couple of hours drive. It seems this tunnel occasionally plateau’s before going back down. It’s much colder down here than the surface, not anything too bothersome but I’m still wrapped in the emergency blanket.
The further down I proceed, the less hope I have of escape. I just hope this trip is even remotely interesting. Good night, journal.
JOURNAL ENTRY EIGHTEEN - DAY NINE IN THE CAVE
Discovery of the century, people. It has been quite the day.
This morning, the tunnel opened up into a gigantic cavern. It had to be a few hundred stories tall, and just as wide. There are these strange blue crystals emitting light, embedded all around the room. Wedged into this space, filling the entire area, is what looks to be a spaceship. That’s right, you read that correctly. An enormous, wrecked spaceship of some kind.
And not like a fighter craft or something small. No. This ship is larger than any other ship I’ve seen. Granted, I haven’t seen many, but I’ve read up on some of humankind’s space travel achievements, and this… this thing looked like it could house thousands of people, maybe more, and comfortably. Who knows what sort of things I’ll find once I explore?
If there are no other journal records after this one, it’s because I perished within the alien spacecraft. If you find this message… do NOT go in the spaceship, it is dangerous.
JOURNAL ENTRY NINETEEN - STILL DAY NINE IN THE CAVE
Ha, psyche, I’m fine.
Seriously though this spaceship is pretty neat. It has symbols and buttons all over the place, and I don’t wish to touch them for fear of what might happen. No supplies or anything edible, though, so. That’s no good. I’ll have to keep searching in the morning.
What a find, though! An entire other race of beings have been here, and possibly even LIVED here. I really hope I survive this encounter. Everyone is going to want to see this!
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STORYTIME ENTRY FIVE
I finished my journal entry, and shut down the lights in the humvee. There wasn’t much of my rations left, so I decided to save them for one last meal in the morning. With that, I laid down in the space between the seats, and drifted off to sleep.
I should have hightailed it out of there that very second. Then again… how was I supposed to know I was about to usher in the end of the world?
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…to be continued…
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